Why it's OK to "Baby" your baby

A new mom posted in my breastfeeding support group message board that her pediatrician was "instructing" her to sleep train her less than one year old baby. She obviously felt hestitation, natrually. Here are my thoughts on this situation!

The "Do It All" Umbrella Stroller, VUE LITE

This is not your ordinary umbrella stroller. First of all, this is made by the trusted brand that has brought you the beloved City Mini, City Versa and City Select stollers. Yes, BabyJogger is a name you know well- but you may not know about their amazingly versatile umbrella strollers, Vue and Vue Lite. The kind folks at BabyJogger sent me this sleek grey Vue Lite stroller to take for a test drive. I am sort of in love with it, and I know you will be, too. 

BABY{WEARING} LOVE: BOBA EDITION

This isn't the first time you are hearing about how much I love babywearing, and it won't be the last. This entire post is dedicated to Boba babywearing photos. Babywearing is such a lifesaver!

If you haven't tried it yet, it's not too late!

I love both of these carriers:
(these are Affiliate Links)

Boba 3G / 4G
Designed to go and grow with you, the Boba 3G or 4G Carrier is ideal for kiddos ranging from 7 pounds (hi, baby) to 45 pounds (you’re growing every day). This innovative and awesomely adjustable Boba exclusive is available in a range of colors and prints that both moms and dads will be proud to show off.

• Integrated infant insert to support the littlest little ones
• The perfect fit for both front and back carry
• Removable foot straps and sleeping hood customize the ride
• Purse strap holders—you're welcome, moms
• Pockets in all the right places
• Adjustable straps that help you find the right snugness

Boba Air
Just fold, zip and stash. That’s the promise of our high-flying, far-roving, light-as-a-feather, there-when-you-need-it Boba Air. With this perfectly portable travel baby carrier, there’s practically nowhere you can’t go. Just toss it in your diaper bag, carry-on or glove compartment and you have instant access to a simple, supportive child carrier that unfolds or self-stores in seconds. 

• Light-as-air soft-structured baby carrier (just 0.7 pounds)
• Folds up in seconds into self-storing hood pouch
• Fits in small spaces for easy travel and storage
• Lightweight yet durable nylon material
• Safe, sturdy and excellently ergonomic

I love that Boba's motto is "Freedom Together". It's so true. We've been so many places. Together.

 

High Needs Babies and Toddlers

All babies are "high needs" but some are more than others. I pretty much (happily) catered to anything Keira wanted, right away. I breastfed her, carried her, slept next to her, nonstop. I loved being attached to my little baby- it was like an extension of pregnancy, which I missed.

Things got difficult when I needed to do something that requires me to be separated from Keira- like shower, go to the bathroom, laundry, Etc. She never wanted me to put her down. She tolerated the swing (when she was a newborn), but that only lasted the first couple months. I started coming up with work-arounds, like a water friendly baby sling for the shower, once she was big enough, I wore her on my back (then I could do laundry, dishes).

Article: Mind-Minded Parenting

How mental state talk helps kids learn about beliefs, feelings, and the perspectives of other people - 

Mind-minded parents may also be more likely to 

• Pay attention to their baby’s gaze and interest in objects

• Imitate their infant’s actions

• Engage in sensitive, appropriate mind-minded talk—-i.e., comment on what a child seems to be feeling or thinking. For example, a parent who sees her baby looking at a toy camel might ask the baby “Do you remember seeing a camel at the zoo?” (Meins et al 2001).

• Assume that their children can understand and benefit from conversations about emotions and mental states

What does this approach do for us?

Mind-minded parenting might strengthen our attachment relationships.

- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/mind-minded-parenting.html

Article: The Science of Attachment Parenting

I enjoyed this research based article on benefits of attachment parenting. They don't go overboard and making sweeping declarations, just reporting research results.

http://www.parentingscience.com/attachment-parenting.html

I like the reference to mind-minded parenting:

"Mind-minded" parents treat their children--no matter how young-- as individuals with minds, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs of their own. 

Psychologist Elizabeth Meins and her colleagues have shown that mind-minded parenting is linked with with the development of stronger empathy and perspective-taking skills in children.

- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/attachment-parenting.html#sthash.uimSxZJ6.dpuf

Because Crying is Communication

From: Little Hearts Books/Gentle Parenting Resources

http://www.littleheartsbooks.com

Nonviolent Parenting

I just found this great Facebook group called Nonviolent Parenting. I have already learned a lot from their page. This graphic about tantrums reinforced what I already thought to be true- your toddler needs you even more when they are having a tantrum! Young children are simply incapable of processing emotions and so they explode, just like adults do sometimes.

Article: Parenting Lessons from Tribes Around the World

http://www.mamahub.nl/mamahub/2015/1/26/parenting-lessons-from-tribes-around-the-world-a-conversation-with-acclaimed-photographer-jimmy-nelson

Here is my favorite passage:

So the babies are constantly on the mothers?

Yes, they’re never left alone. If the parents are working, the other brothers and sisters carry the babies. They’re always sleeping between the parents, or the brothers and sisters, and from when the day begins, they’re attached to another human being. Everywhere you go, that is a common denominator. Obviously, in the colder climates, they do that for warmth, but even in the warm climates.

Do the babies then still whine and cry?
Hardly at all, no. There’s always human contact. All their needs are being met. They’re constantly on the boob. They just need the warmth.

And during the night, do they wake a lot, nursing?
You never hear that they’re awake. They nurse all night, so they sleep like my children were brought up, next to their mother. If they’re hungry, they get something. There’s never any process of screaming or yelling.

Do you think this parenting style is possible in our society?
Our first one was attached to me, 24 hours of the day. I had this long wrap sling, and she grew up facing me, and then when she got older, she’d be facing out, and fall asleep. Everywhere I went on the bike, I had her in my sling. She lived in there, for about 3 years; so much so that when you took her out, she would scream, because she wanted the contact. She just came with us. If she fell asleep and we weren’t ready to go to bed, she would stay attached to me or my wife. Come bedtime, we would just put her down and we’d all sleep together.

It depends on how enthusiastic and committed you are as a parent. We live in this world of 1,001 opportunities and distractions. To keep the child away from that requires you to apply yourself as a parent, on a far greater level than most people ever do. Unfortunately, being acknowledged as a mother is not significant anymore. We believe it’s far more important to be somebody, and have a title.

Crunchy Moms

Source: The Internet 

Why Sleep Training is NOT for me

This article sums it up... Leaving my child to cry violates my deepest instincts

Arguments against the Ferber method

Although studies show that extinction sleep training can be very effective in eliminating bedtime protests and stalling tactics, many people—parents, pediatricians, and researchers included—worry about potential side effects.

Leaving children alone to cry seems to violate our deepest instincts, and no wonder. For most of human history, our ancestors biggest sleep problem was almost certainly the avoidance of predators.

Like modern-day hunter-gatherers, our ancestors slept communally and shared “watch” duties (Worthman and Melby 2002). Children snuggled up to their parents and siblings. And if children cried out, it was important to soothe them quickly to reduce the chances of attracting predators to the camp.

In this setting--the setting that characterized millions of years of human and pre-human evolution--leaving a child alone at night would have constituted child abandonment, if not attempted infanticide.

Our evolutionary past has left its stamp in our brains. When babies and children are left alone at night, they are likely to experience one of the most primal and powerful stressors known to young animals--separation anxiety (Panksepp 2000). Separation anxiety is a panic response arising from a primitive part of brain that also processes information about physical pain (Panksepp 2000).

Concerns about separation anxiety and stress have led some pediatricians, researchers, and therapists to worry about the adverse effects of the Ferber method on a child’s health and well-being (e.g., Sears and Sears 1996; Commons and Miller 1998; Sunderland 2006).

- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html#sthash.ozhoz8Xc.dpuf

Article: Why African Babies Don't Cry

Here is an article that someone from my breastfeeding support group posted. I really enjoyed it, and the message it sends. I feel that being an attachment parent really aligned with my natural instincts, which I love hearing are similar to those mothers who are outside of the internet and modern amenities.

Why African Babies Don't Cry

An African Perspective

by Claire Niala

Here is a related article, giving specific tips to American mothers on how to be more attentive (i.e. get your baby to cry less!): Babies Don't Cry in Africa Why Should They Cry in the USA

Keeping Baby Warm Outdoors

Keira usually runs pretty warm but we still so our best to make she she is cozy outside in these cold winter temperatures. Layering is key, as with adults. It took us a while to figure out the right combination of items but I think we have got it pretty much down.

Here are the things we love for winter:

-Corduroy overalls. Warm and they nicely protect BABYS midsection. She wears these pink Hatley overalls almost every Sunday  when we know we will be outside. 

-LL Bean mittens. They have Velcro around the wrist to help keep them on.

-Stride Rite boots. These keep her ankles and feet warm and dry, and they have zippers to keep them on and sequins to keep them looking adorable.

-Gap PrimaLoft toddler coat. Super warm, but also thin and lightweight. 

-Zutano cotton hat. I like the hood on her coat but the hat underneath just adds a nice base layer.

-JJ Cole Toddler Bundle Me. Keira never really liked her stroller before but now she loves getting in there and tried to climb in on her own, I swear it's the Bundle Me that won her over!

See how happy she is when she is dressed comfortably!

Stay warm, baby!

Good Morning

I love waking up and seeing this goofy little smile every morning. She just taps me and whispers "Hi."

#reasonswhyilovecosleeping

Babywearing 102

I have been pining for a woven wrap for probably a year now, as I loved my Baby KTan but Keira outgrew it around 9 months. The Boba and Boba Air are wonderful but sometimes I want something cozier and more customizable.

For Christmas I finally got my woven! I ended up having to exchange it twice to get the right size but I am set now on size 5 as the right base size for me.

Shown above is Didymos size 5- front wrap cross carry, with the passes spread out

We Cosleep

I haven't been shy about the fact that we cosleep with Keira, and have for a long time now. It started in the first week when she let me know that likes to take her time while eating. Mommy (me) falls asleep very easily and would often be on the verge of dozing off during her marathon nursing sessions. I started with her on the Boppy pillow, leaned back in bed. We had the Arms Reach CoSleeper next to us. She was not going anywhere. Still I worried... So I read up on safe cosleeping, mostly thanks to Dr Sears. Cosleeping felt "right" to me.
{Suggested Reading: Attachment Parenting, by Dr William Sears}

Sleeping In and Waking Up

Check out these cuties sleeping in on Saturday morning. This may be the top reason to cosleep (with a close second being the fact that you don't have to get out of bed to get baby back to sleep)...

Attachment Parenting

I wasn't really sure how I would feel about being a parent so I had no idea of what kind of parenting style I would want to follow. Once Keira arrived I knew I didn't want to let her go and much preferred her being held to being put in her swing, chair or bed. And while I was pregnant I knew I would want to baby wear as opposed to using the stroller.

I searched around for a parenting book and found the Attachment Parenting book by Dr Sears (you can learn more here http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/attachment-parenting/what-ap-7-baby-bs) most matched what I wanted our parent/baby lifestyle to look like. So here are the basic principals are my thoughts on them:

1) Birth Bonding

I wrote in my birth plan that I wanted to do immediate skin to skin contact with baby after she was born but that got lost in the shuffle when my regular doctors weren't available during birth. We did bond once they got Keira weighed (she wasn't ready to eat yet though). We continued to bond during the hospital stay and the days following at home.

2) Breastfeeding

I knew I wanted to breastfeed because I knew it was healthier but I was skeptical about the bonding portion but it has been great. It is sometimes exhausting being the only source of nutrition for another person but I consider a continuation of pregnancy where you grew baby inside of you, now I'm growing her out in the world! And there's nothing more special than baby falling asleep on your chest.

3) Babywearing

I had hip problems in my past (and present) so when I read about a baby carrier company that is hip-friendly I was thrilled- my BOBA carrier was the first thing I registered for. 

It can also be used with newborns without an insert so we were able to take Keira for a walk the day after we got home from the hospital! I use it frequently at home doing housework and for walks (it's much easier than pausing a stroller and holding a dog leash). I'm branching out and going to try a wrap style carrier which is supposed to be better for hands free nursing and a little cozier (my Baby KTan is on the way!)

4) Bedding Close to Baby

As beautiful as Keira's nursery is and cute as her crib is we knew we didn't want her sleeping in there for a while. When my sister recommended the CoSleeper I shortly after took the trip to buybuybaby and bought one for our baby! We love having her in our room and I can easily see and touch her without moving at all. At the first whimper of hunger I can feed her. Mike never even wakes up because the crying is rare.

5) Belief in Baby's Cry

Keira's cry kills me. She rarely cries but when she does the only thing I can do is immediately try to fix whatever is wrong. We quickly realized that when she is upset - there is something she needs. She mainly cries when she is hungry. But sometimes it's gas- so we burp her, or she is overly tired- so we comfort her. We trust that when she is crying- she needs us. Dr Sears explains that attachment parented children grow better because they spend less time crying and instead can spend that energy on growing!

6) Beware of Baby Trainers

Before I got pregnant I remember hearing about books that got babies sleeping through the night quickly and telling parents to just leave their babies to cry and eventually they will just stop. Ill admit that the idea of maintaining my pre-baby sleep schedule sounded alluring but the fact is you should not try to get a newborn to sleep through their feedings. We let Keira sleep when she's tired and eat when she's hungry, and we don't try to force anything on her. And guess what? She has started sleeping for 7 hours at night all on her own! I'm not counting on it staying this way for long but I'm appreciating it while I can.

7) Balance

This is the hardest one! You can to maintain things for yourself and your marriage. I've tried to still of things to keep my sanity- attending my breastfeeding support group and taking walks and I've managed to get a shower every day since Keira was born. And Mike and I talk LOTS - communication is key. We've learned to be very forthcoming with our needs as there is no time for guessing once baby is in your life. Oh and I still take time once a week to give myself a manicure!

I highly recommend attachment parenting to anyone out there, I feel like it's been so helpful in all of us bonding as a family.