The Second Baby

"When are you going to have another?"

I am asked this question all the time. People are getting antsy.

My daughter is 2.25 years old now, and I found out I was pregnant with her 3 years ago. I thought my children would be about 2.5 years apart but frankly I'm just not quite ready, and neither are my husband or daughter. We will not have two under two, or even two under three! Our kids will be more than 3 years apart. My sister and I are about 4.5 years apart and while we get along wonderfully, I would love for my kids to be a tiny bit closer in age. Maybe close enough to be in the same school for at least a little bit. 

So how do you know when is the best time? For me, I am very indecisive, so I went to the internet and started researching.

An article by Forbes Magazine, "How Far Apart Should You Space Your Kids?" provided alot of great insight:

• 30 months {apart} is the American average. 
• Health experts advise women to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies to recover physically and rebuild sufficient nutrients and iron.

2 Years or Fewer Between Kids

This one is not for us. You'll have to check out the Forbes article to read about having TwoUnderTwo :-)

3-4 Years Between Kids

• Cost-cutting: This spacing generally produces less chaos in the home than a two-year gap, because the older child is gaining self-sufficiency and may even be helpful when the baby arrives. Many of the same financial benefits of the two-year difference still apply here, like reduced costs for both kids in childcare, schools and college. Similarly, you already have most of the gear you’ll need. The financial drawbacks aren’t huge compared to the two year gap—you may pay more for individual kid activities since your children won’t share the same skill sets until late elementary school.
• Career: Working moms generally find this spacing easier to handle, both in terms of managing maternity leave and advancing in their careers, since they have a few years to learn how to manage work and family responsibilities, in addition to possibly accumulating more savings.
• Effort: It’s not huge, but there may be more years when your kids attend separate schools, increasing your time commuting, planning, volunteering, etc. This may be balanced by the fact that one kid is already a little older by the time you have a crying baby again.
• Overall: This plan may cost you a little more than spacing your kids out by only two years, but if you use the time to work on your career, the job boon may balance out the extra expenses like sending them to two separate schools or paying for different extracurricular activities. The difference between these two plans may come down to your priorities, and your rationale for wanting to wait a little longer between kids.
• Of course, depending on your age, one factor you’ll want to consider is your biological clock. Do you have the time to wait—or could delaying trying to get pregnant mean you would need fertility help, which can get costly? As we all know, not all pregnancies can be planned down to the minute.

5 or More Years Between Kids

• Cost-cutting: You have to start from scratch with a lot of baby preparation: re-proofing your house, updating car seats, replacing lost infant items, re-schooling yourself about birth and early childhood. All of this has a financial cost. You’re also unlikely to get any discounts for multiple kids in childcare or college down the line, though you may save on babysitting when your oldest matures and can watch the younger one.
• Career: This age gap prolongs the total amount of time that a mom may stay out of the workforce, but for working moms this spacing provides similar benefits as the 3-4 year gap. Younger child may benefit from the parents’ increased income as they advance in their careers.
• Effort: With an extended age gap between children, each child benefits from more individual attention from the parents, and the older child is usually helpful when the baby comes along.
• Overall: A long spacing between children may come with a significantly larger financial toll in terms of baby gear, general preparedness and sibling discounts. All the same, if you want the time to really focus on each child separately, having a long gap between them may provide more of a sense of starting from scratch and enjoying the child-rearing experience all over again.

I think we are in the 3-4 years apart group. I will be 35 in two months, so I will be considered Advanced Maternal Age no matter when I get pregnant again. So that means thinking about another baby sometime in the next 12 months. Maybe Santa will convince us to have another?

I guess you'll just have to wait and see!

Are you thinking about a second (or third) baby?
Check out my Guide to Getting Pregnant !



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